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Discover The Power Of Ritual

Along the way, both good and bad feelings or memories may resurface from your past. That’s normal. You may also feel sensations in your body that speak to lost loves or past acts of passion. Whatever you do, notice the journey you are on and use this process for your own personal expansion as well as your spiritual and sexual By including ritual in your lovemaking, you can create greater closeness and increase your pleasure.

The use of ritual allows you to make everyday activities or feelings sacred, by combining your conscious intentions with symbolic statements or actions. Many individuals and couples find that by including ritual in their lovemaking and intimate activity, their connection grows much deeper and their pleasure is increased. Some even say that sex becomes a positive healing experience. Let me give you an example. One of my clients — I’ll call her Sally — used to masturbate while lying on a huge burgundy velvet settee in her study. She would light candles, burn incense, play soothing music, use massage oils and sometimes watch herself in a standing mirror. She set a “solo sex date” with herself two Tuesdays a month, at 10pm, a time when all the distractions of her day were gone and she could shut off from the outside world. She used this time to reconnect with herself, without anyone or anything else placing demands on her time or energy. These sessions were Sally’s way of connecting with her sexual spirit. She felt close to herself, and reported to me that these were the only moments that she felt whole and alive. For her, this was a spiritual experience of claiming herself, of feeling her own sexual power, and of honoring and loving her body, mind and spirit. By setting aside the time and place regularly, Sally began to grow in her sexual self-confidence. She began to realize that she did not need a man to complete her and stopped what she called her “desperate hunt” for a partner. She even became more successful in her career. By making masturbation a ritualized experience and thereby connecting with her sexual spirit, Sally became more aware and grew not only sexually but personally and professionally as well. Week Three: Learning Tantric Practices Over the past two weeks, you have been working on finding and connecting with your sexual spirit, alone or with a partner. This week we are going to focus on another pathway for tapping into that spiritual side of yourself by looking at the practice of tantric sex. Tantra means union; it is a form of yoga. I first encountered tantric teachings in the early 1980s while on an intensive yoga workshop in the mountains of Mexico. “That wonderful feeling of being truly united with someone is the ecstasy you feel when you merge sexuality and spirit.” One of the other students was a teacher of tantra. He was a seasoned workshop leader who had a charismatic presence that allowed the group to trust him as a guide. Over the course of several nights, he taught us how to find the seven chakras (or energy centers) of the body and how to chant mantras (or sacred sounds) while focusing our attention on each chakra. He also explained how combining spiritual intention with sexual contact can result in deeper levels of connection with a partner. Despite the fact that I didn’t have a partner at that time, I began to understand that by using and joining personal energies, we are more able to share ourselves with another person at a deep level. Many couples, especially those in long-term relationships, crave this deeper connection. Practicing tantra is one way to get it. One thing you can do as a couple to enhance your lovemaking, build a stronger union with your partner and feel the power of your own sexual spirit is to concentrate on your breathing before and during sex. In tantric teachings, this is called connective breathing. Often couples report to me that when they synchronize their breathing — breathe in unison at the same rhythm — they feel as one. That wonderful feeling of being truly united with someone is the ecstasy you feel when you merge sexuality and spirit. Here is how you do it: Sit facing each other, preferably naked, with your legs intertwined, arms around each other and chest to chest. Then breathe together, slowly at first. Inhale, exhale, inhale exhale and so on. After practicing taking conscious breaths for about two minutes without stopping (which, by the way, will seem a lot longer than that), you may begin to feel more in harmony with your lover. You will feel a sense of unity, and may even feel a surge of loving feelings or emotions radiating from the center of your chest, the heart chakra.

Discovering the Kama Sutra In week one, you began the process of connecting with your sexual spirit by working on your love for yourself. In week two, you had a chance to move into the power of ritual by exploring how ritual informs our sexual lives. If you followed that week’s workshop with your partner, you discovered how combining conscious intention with sacred objects and practices can improve the intimate connection and sexual pleasure in your relationship. Week three allowed a peek at the ancient practices of tantra, during which you took an in-depth look at two specific techniques for enhanced sexual union. This week’s workshop will bring you to an even higher level of potential for accessing the sexual spirit within yourself and for sharing it with your partner to achieve ultimate sexual satisfaction and true connection. “No more passing out after sex! The Kama Sutra states that kissing should be used after lovemaking to rekindle love.” One of the greatest texts for improving lovemaking skills is the Kama Sutra, often associated with the Indian sage Vatsayama, who is believed to have written it. It is a spiritually based sex manual, emphasizing pleasure, intimacy and awakening of spirit. I was just 17 when I encountered a copy of the Kama Sutra and have used it as a foundation for studying and teaching about sex ever since. By following the carefully and concisely written lessons (and mimicking the amazing illustrations) you can learn how to become the most exquisite lover and access your sexual spirit as you go. What is so amazing about this ancient book is that it speaks to sexuality today, just as it did when it was written almost 2,000 years ago.

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